Husbandry

Is a husband one who practices husbandry, or is husbandry what a husband engages in? Husband etymologically, as in Old English, meant “master of a house” and in this capacity he also managed the land and the animals on it. This is the basis of the marriage as we know it traditionally. A man took a wife; he acquired her as a retinue, if not as a property, and we spoke of “a man and his wife” not “a woman and her husband,” and the wife vowed to obey her master “till death do us part.” Marriage as an institution is a vestige from the feudal past. It is true that in the 20th century the husband began to “allow” his wife to take a job outside and be a partner earning the bread. It is no longer uncommon that the man and the woman in a married couple practice equality, often sharing the task of housework and child rearing. In fact, the Alternative Service Book, introduced in 1928, already omitted the phrase “and to obey” in the marriage vow, but the original version was retained for those preferred it and apparently many still do.

Yet language freezes the concept despite the social changes that modified it. So, the sense of hierarchy between the man and his wife in marriage is firmly set, even in the situation in which the marriage, true to the democratic principle, is practiced as “a man and a woman joined in equality.” Husband, to think of it, is rather an outdated notion.

This thought occurred to me in connection with the recent passing of the same-sex marriage in the state of New York. I have no doubt this is a legal victory for the same-sex couples. Still, in a way, to designate the same-sex union as a marriage is a retrogressive idea. In my thinking the term marriage is outmoded. Two individuals joined in equality until do them part should consider substituting a neutral term such as “domestic partnership.” Then, whether the partners are heterosexual or homosexual is a private matter and should be socially and legally inconsequential. Marriage as a ritual can be religious and it is a matter of personal choice.